So there are 24 hours a day. Why is it so? Is it because human only can stay up a certain amount of hours before they collapse or is it just because of how the sun rotates the earth and how the earth rotates around the sun? Why can’t we just add few more hours to the day, or maybe we can? Maybe we should not.
Today I wrote down a list of things that makes me happy. Like; Mc Flurry with Daim , the rush after a proper work-out, kids trying to convince each other with their limited vocabulary (its so cute), Coca Cola with large ice-cubes , my mom pulling jokes on me – she thinks I’m too serious with everything for my age (she has the most insane laughter I know)… the list goes on and on. I love a lot of things that life has to offer. There is no doubt about it, but sometimes I just don’t get life. Why don’t I do more of the things that make me happy? What’s the point of living if you are just going to watch it and not live it? Obviously, I don’t have the time. I just had an appointment with my doctor; my new doctor. I couldn’t stand my previous one, which I’ve had for years. Since I was a kid actually. In fact instead of going to the doctor I would still show up for work most of the time when I was feeling horribly sick just because I couldn’t stand this man. Anyway, my new doctor is not…well, not the regular type. I had only been sitting down for a second and he asks me “what do you want to become in life?”. At first I didn’t answer, just searching his eyes for what he meant… I mean I was there because of my headaches and my nauseous. I was not there to talk about my ambitions. I smiled and said, “ A good leader so that I can run my entrepreneurial companies as successful as possible”. He smiled, and then his face became dead serious. A long pause followed. We were just staring at each other.
Then the silence broke with his sharp strict, voice saying, “ You are missing my point”. What? I thought to myself… what a weirdo.
Then he asked me the regular questions about my health. He just shook his head and said, ”You are 26 years old… how many hours do you work per week?” I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to answer. I was just sitting there wishing that there were more hours during a day so that it wouldn’t sound too horrible. My regular day-job plus my own company equals no life pretty much, however I’m ok with it. I’m serious. I’m ok. So I went straight to defense and said that I didn’t mind working this much. In fact I love my job and my projects. “If you are ok with looking like you are 50 when you are 35, then it should be ok”, followed with another killing pause. He was starting to freak me out.
“I know people, and I know girls like you. You suffer from a syndrome called the Nice Girl Syndrome. –The kind of girl who ends up getting mad from working too hard. It will happen to you, it’s just a matter of time. You need to find more balance and reflect. Is this really what you want? You are not prioritizing; you are sacrificing. Sacrificing. “, He said with a firm tone cutting through to my intense headache in the back of my head.
Honestly, I don’t know what to do. I’m very confused. I am confused because things I love sometimes makes me feel bad or even sick. Like, if I were to drink Coca Cola all day long which I love I would probably end up feeling like shit, not to get started on the McFlurry. I guess its the same with work.
It really doesn't matter how much you love something, you will always end up tired of it if you do it too much, right? The problem with the McFlurry and work is that I wont stop until my body physically tells me to stop. With boyfriends its easy. What a bore.
I wonder why life is like this. Aren't we supposed to do what we love as much as we can? I don't get it. God/Big Bang created time that was not enough and then things to like that makes us sick? I just don't get it.
Are we programmed and trapped in a thinking pattern that makes us slaves in our own life? Its a bit too creepy. Im very happy Im not a psychologist. I think I would have killed myself long time ago. Ignorance is bliss.
