So there are 24 hours a day. Why is it so? Is it because human only can stay up a certain amount of hours before they collapse or is it just because of how the sun rotates the earth and how the earth rotates around the sun? Why can’t we just add few more hours to the day, or maybe we can? Maybe we should not.
Today I wrote down a list of things that makes me happy. Like; Mc Flurry with Daim , the rush after a proper work-out, kids trying to convince each other with their limited vocabulary (its so cute), Coca Cola with large ice-cubes , my mom pulling jokes on me – she thinks I’m too serious with everything for my age (she has the most insane laughter I know)… the list goes on and on. I love a lot of things that life has to offer. There is no doubt about it, but sometimes I just don’t get life. Why don’t I do more of the things that make me happy? What’s the point of living if you are just going to watch it and not live it? Obviously, I don’t have the time. I just had an appointment with my doctor; my new doctor. I couldn’t stand my previous one, which I’ve had for years. Since I was a kid actually. In fact instead of going to the doctor I would still show up for work most of the time when I was feeling horribly sick just because I couldn’t stand this man. Anyway, my new doctor is not…well, not the regular type. I had only been sitting down for a second and he asks me “what do you want to become in life?”. At first I didn’t answer, just searching his eyes for what he meant… I mean I was there because of my headaches and my nauseous. I was not there to talk about my ambitions. I smiled and said, “ A good leader so that I can run my entrepreneurial companies as successful as possible”. He smiled, and then his face became dead serious. A long pause followed. We were just staring at each other.
Then the silence broke with his sharp strict, voice saying, “ You are missing my point”. What? I thought to myself… what a weirdo.
Then he asked me the regular questions about my health. He just shook his head and said, ”You are 26 years old… how many hours do you work per week?” I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to answer. I was just sitting there wishing that there were more hours during a day so that it wouldn’t sound too horrible. My regular day-job plus my own company equals no life pretty much, however I’m ok with it. I’m serious. I’m ok. So I went straight to defense and said that I didn’t mind working this much. In fact I love my job and my projects. “If you are ok with looking like you are 50 when you are 35, then it should be ok”, followed with another killing pause. He was starting to freak me out.
“I know people, and I know girls like you. You suffer from a syndrome called the Nice Girl Syndrome. –The kind of girl who ends up getting mad from working too hard. It will happen to you, it’s just a matter of time. You need to find more balance and reflect. Is this really what you want? You are not prioritizing; you are sacrificing. Sacrificing. “, He said with a firm tone cutting through to my intense headache in the back of my head.
Honestly, I don’t know what to do. I’m very confused. I am confused because things I love sometimes makes me feel bad or even sick. Like, if I were to drink Coca Cola all day long which I love I would probably end up feeling like shit, not to get started on the McFlurry. I guess its the same with work.
It really doesn't matter how much you love something, you will always end up tired of it if you do it too much, right? The problem with the McFlurry and work is that I wont stop until my body physically tells me to stop. With boyfriends its easy. What a bore.
I wonder why life is like this. Aren't we supposed to do what we love as much as we can? I don't get it. God/Big Bang created time that was not enough and then things to like that makes us sick? I just don't get it.
Are we programmed and trapped in a thinking pattern that makes us slaves in our own life? Its a bit too creepy. Im very happy Im not a psychologist. I think I would have killed myself long time ago. Ignorance is bliss.
Very interesting. I fear that you think life is a gift, or a struggle; when in fact it is both. Life is about balance. Balance between what you want and what you should; balance between ambition and contentment. Everything in life must be done in moderation. Some people are able to find that balance, but most are stuck at one extreme or the other. Good luck with your business and I hope you can find balance, and ultimately happiness, in your life.
ReplyDelete~AAF
Hello AAF,
ReplyDeleteNot really. I am very aware that life is both, but the part you are mentioning about that life should be what you want and what you should; I have to admit - I haven't really given that much attention to in my life. I guess thats where I burn myself and because of that things are not very balanced. Its hard. Very hard.
Thank you for posting and I agree its ultimately about happiness. The best for you too :)
Yassmine
Today, just after landing back in the Middle East, and after hearing from some of my Stanford friends, I also landed on your blog. Or, at least, on your last blog post (as the date on it is Sept, 9).
ReplyDeleteI think I more or less understand your feelings: I started working when I was 16, and started my first company when I was 18. My parents were almost upset about that, but I didn't care (at the end of the story, my real family has always been my grandma, as they were always travelling around). Sometimes, they also thought I was into drugs... I really smile when I think about that.
I graduated with honors while having my company, and continued. I relocated in three different continents. Right now I am about to have my third masters degree, I am an executive in a multinational company, and have three companies myself. I will turn 30 in some days.
And, yes, I have a lot of projects for my next 30 years.
My last girlfriend, she is a wonderful gal. She is taller than me, and 6 years elder, and we always joked about that. We lived together for 3 years.
She was telling me the same things your doctor (or yourself, or anyone else, if that was just a metaphor) told you.
I'll tell you, she loved me. You can't even image how much. But she didn't understand me.
Your doctor is a really good guy, and he cares of you. But your life is just yours. I have a really easy test: if you wake up in the morning, look at your agenda, and smile, this is the life you really want and must live.
I do.
If not, change it right now. And when I say right now, it's today. Not tomorrow. But don't think of his words too much, or you could be trapped in some cultural stereotype which can prevent you from being happy.
Ever heard of George Gray? Whatever you'll do in your life, at some point you will have some regrets. But not doing what you were feeling was the right thing to do will kill you.
At least, this works for me ;)
Don’t stop, and have fun!
S, from his 150th floor, staring towards the middle of the desert before going out
P.S. ...George Gray -> http://www.poemtree.com/poems/GeorgeGray.htm