Losing fOcUs

OK, so I am slowly gathering my thoughts, my ideas, my frustration and my focus, which have been all over the place the last two months. Ever since I came home from the US really.  I guess so much have been going on up in my head and so many impressions eventually blew my mind. Sometimes you don’t see it coming: the stress the confusion that most likely will lead to a sudden lack of focus and make you question if you really want this or not. But worst of all; losing motivation because you simply aren’t inspired. It’s not a good feeling. But as long as I’m aware of it it’s easier to deal with, because this feeling is not necessarily a true feeling.  It’s like being married; there are days you want to strangle your partner, however it doesn’t mean that you don’t love them anymore and you swore to be with them for better or for worse. So instead of thinking that I’m bored and I want to end it, I’m thinking that I need to work on myself becoming better to deal with these type situations. Cause they will probably come again. I’m sure.

Just to get it straight, I’m absolutely not bored of what I’m doing, but there are so many things that I have to do alone. I’m doing the accounting, the marketing and a whole bunch of other stuff that normally would be divided on a team of people. But since we have just started up and we are just two people the workload is just insane.  There are overwhelmingly many fields that  we are constantly being introduced to simultaneously, which we have no experience with. For instance I am not an accountant or tax expert, but to be able to be as cost-efficient as possible during start-up we are forced to do this. I did have some accounting in university...thank god! Still its hard with all the regulations.

Not only is it overwhelming and energy-draining, It gets really lonely too. People don’t understand how much I work and how important it is to get results. For instance they don’t understand how I can get up at 6am and stay away from alcohol for months just get results business wise. I feel alienated sometimes when people say that I should relax and go for a drink (I do drink when I feel like it). Its not like I have a problem because I have chosen to spend my time differently. Honestly it pisses me off sometimes that my friends don’t understand. Some of my friends calls me ¨ Yassmine The Machine¨, which is sort of funny, as long as I don’t get to hear it all the time. I know I have dreams and goals that most people cant identify with, but for God sake, I’m not crazy just because I’m ambitious! I think its rather odd to call a person who wants to stay healthy, who goes to bed early and gets up early to push for greater achievements crazy. That’s crazy!

It’s not like I’m some weirdo who loves to sit in front of my laptop alone working because I don’t have a life.  Of course I would like to go out more often and enjoy myself. Sometimes I sit in my tiny room and I’m sleepy and tired from reading a bunch of documents, drawing strategies etc wishing I was with my friends at that dinner I turned down to reach my deadlines. It sucks. But then again; the reward of progress is just such an amazing feeling. I love it, and that is what I must never forget. I must never forget that I am an entrepreneur-soul. I have plenty of ideas and I love to work. I have taken a choice, which I need to stick with: because without persistence and determination talent is useless. Talent is useless anyway if I don’t have skills and one of the most important skills is discipline, and therefore persistence. Its hard sometimes, but I’m sure its worth it in the end.